I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
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I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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