Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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