i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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