What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
