I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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