like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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