i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
