Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
