i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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