And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
