yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
