wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
