Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
