I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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