and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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