You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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