just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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