i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My day in three words: secret purse cake
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
