omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
