I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
