You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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