so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
