So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
