i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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