just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
