I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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