Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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