I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
