You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
