Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
