Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
