dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
