I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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