I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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