we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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