just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
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And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
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Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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