Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
