I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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