His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
