Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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