What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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