I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
