why do cheetos always look like penises
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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