he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
