I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
