I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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