Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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