Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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