***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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