I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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