there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
