the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
