i just wanna soil my oats bro
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
