So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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