I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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