im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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