I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I want her autograph on my taint
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Randomize
