If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I am full of burrito and curiosity
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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