First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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