Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
