he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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