please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
