You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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