Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
