The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
