I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
