I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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