So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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