I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
