She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
